**Re-blog of an older story that got deleted when my site crashed**
Note: These are my personal thoughts and the thoughts of some of the women that I have had conversation with. I cannot speak for all women, but I represent the voice of a woman out there, who needs to be heard.
When the pressures of the world become too much, who does a woman turn to? Most people would think a girlfriend, a family member, or her partner. For the most part, that could be true, however for a lot of us, the answer is ourselves.
Day in and day out, many of us keep our true feelings bottled up inside. Trying not to be a burden, while also trying not to breakdown. We’re needed. We’re depended on to make things better, even when that means sacrificing our own needs and wants. This is an unhealthy cycle, that leads many of us to mental crisis, or possibly even death. We’re at times overworked and under-appreciated.
It’s funny how as women we are viewed as super-humans, who carry babies inside of us for 9 months (health permitting), take care of home, carpool the kids to school and after school activities, play sex kitten for our partner, work a 9 to 5- that for a lot of us, goes well beyond 40 hours a week. With all of the things that we’re depended on to do, we’re STILL made to prove ourselves to society. To men. You trust us to run the home and take care of things and even people, that are broken, but we have to fight for the same respect and rights that men are given.
We’re forced to jump through hoops in the workplace, in social settings, and once we’re back in our personal space at home. Why are we constantly questioned as a way of doubting our knowledge, or truth? How often do men have to hear: “What do you know about computers?”, “You don’t know sports!”, “How many people have you slept with?”, “Smile, you’re too beautiful to look so mean!”? You can answer these questions and still be looked over, laughed at, or called a liar, or a Bitch. If we’re not smiling, we’re looked at as mean, or sad. Maybe it’s just my face. Maybe I have a lot on mind. Maybe, just maybe I am working on my plan to take over the world!
On top of fighting our way through a man’s world, we’re also in competition with each other. We’re in competition for looks, for our careers, social status, and for our future (sometimes current) partner. We’re at times made to believe that we must fit a certain body type, or dress a certain way, in order to keep up appearances, or make others feel comfortable. You can either be wearing too much, or too little. Why should what we’re wearing be any concern? We have to age gracefully, be physically and mentally sharp, or risk being overlooked, and tossed out with yesterday’s garbage. This happens in the workplace and in some of our homes. Why is it ok that we can accept men for their flaws (physical and mental), but we’re of no use, when we don’t fit a perfect image?
Sometimes, it feels that we’re not looked at as human. We’re expected to be in delicate pink, be polite, and always poised. If we have a bad day (week or month), or speak up for ourselves, we’re called “Psycho”, “Crazy”, “Emotional”, “PMS-ing”, a “Nag”, or something to bring us down to a level of not being normal humans, who have reached their limit. Not one person, male or female should be expected to deal with and accept everything that comes their way. Sometimes, we have had enough. Sometimes, we just want the same respect that we’ve given you.
When it comes to relationships, why is it ok for a man to have slept around in the past, but a woman can have slept with less than 10 men and be considered damaged goods? Why are we judged by our past relationships and mistakes, but men aren’t held to the same standard? Why is it ok for a man to expect us to be pure and angelic, when he comes to us after living the sexual life of an athlete?
I am sure neither man or woman wants to think of their partner in a sexual position, with another person other than themselves. Why ask? The only question that you are entitled to ask is, “What is your sexual health status?”, or “How about we get tested before we sleep together?”.
People change, either for better or worse.
No matter what a woman’s past is, it’s not anyones right to judge her, or bring her down for it. I can’t speak for all women, but for me, once I learn a difficult lesson, I try my best not to repeat it. We’ve all had moments of thinking a person was nice and wouldn’t dare hurt us, but ended up brokenhearted and confused. Why should I be judged, because a man did me wrong and I am back at square one with dating again? We all have a past and that past should stay where it is, unless it involves children, or an incurable disease. Women don’t ask to be put on a pedestal.
It’s unfair to expect us to not have a past and be made to feel that we have to jump through hoops to be deemed worthy of your hand in partnership. It’s not ok to have standards for the woman that you’re dating, when you’re not capable of offering the same things in return.
Women have to prove ourselves in every aspect of our lives. It’s 10 times worse for women of color. We shouldn’t have to prove ourselves to anyone, when it comes to our careers, social lives, or our love. If you can trust us to put food on the table, take care of your kids, do your laundry, split the bills, then you should learn to give us your respect when we’re trying to succeed, and your support when we feel that we’re at the end of our rope. In a relationship, if we come to you, looking for support it’s because we have placed our trust in you and want to know that you have our back.
Think about the question from the beginning of this essay. Who does a woman turn to, when she is in need of understanding and support? Hopefully, the answer will be you!