**Re-blog of an older story that got deleted when my site crashed**
Falling in love is one of the biggest gambles we take. You’re betting your heart and soul on someone, at the risk of them smashing it all into millions of pieces. Leaving you feeling lost and abandoned.
It can be sort of an addiction. Everyone tries it at some point -whether they admit it or not. There are times that we try to fight the urge to feel it. Afraid of what
will happen if and when the feelings change. When the love dies, you can feel like a part of you has gone to die with it. The deeper the love, the harder we mourn it’s loss.
There’s a difference in loving someone and being IN love with them. You can care deeply about a person, to the point that you love them enough to not want anything bad to happen to them and to want the best for them. When you’re truly IN love, you can feel it, deep in your chest. The pure thought of losing this person in any capacity makes you feel sick and like you’re gasping for air.
I don’t think that we get this feeling often at all. I think our souls reserve it for people that truly fill us up with enough passion and happiness, that can overcome any argument and work through most hard times. Relationships and love are not easy. It takes commitment, passion, patience, and work. You have to be willing to work through the bad times and check your pride and ego at the door.
In the beginning of a relationship, when it gets serious and deep, there are times that I think we may argue, because we’re fighting a powerful feeling inside and we may become unsure of how to channel it in the appropriate way, which is just to let it happen. We’re afraid to fall too deep, to let go, and to trust the journey ahead of us. We’re ultimately giving this other person the power to break our heart and rip our soul out of our chest, when it doesn’t work out. No one wants a good thing to come to an end.
On my last blog, I mentioned my anxieties. This is one of those good things that haunt my mind.
I have found myself IN love and I’m not sure of what to do with myself. I’m impatient with it (I am ready to dive in) and yet very cautious of having my heart ripped out of my chest. I have severe anxiety about it being over before it even begins.
I’ve loved before, but THIS feels different. I physically feel it. It’s not just a thought in my head, or lead by sex. It feels like I don’t ever want to be without him. I have had anxious moments with heart palpitations and gasping for breath, when I have thought about it not working out. The funny thing is, I fought the idea of this relationship for awhile! Even carrying on with other people.
Now I’m head over heels, and shedding my tough girl personality. Being that I have a hard time opening up to people, this is a rarely traveled road. I have now bared my soul to this man and I can no longer go back. My secrets are exposed and I feel like I am out of control of my emotions.
I yell, I cry, I am territorial and this is not like me at all. I think these feelings contribute to people running away from love. We’re exposing our true self to someone and this is where that power to hurt comes in. They now KNOW us and what to do to possibly destroy us. Not in a sinister way, it’s generally unintentional.
My personal fear is being betrayed. Cheating, emotionally and/or physically are the death sentence to a relationship for me. To be made to feel like you’re not enough, is the ultimate knife in back feeling. Not enough people are selfless, or have enough respect and love to just walk away, before getting with someone else. It causes as chain of events that can forever change someone’s life, how they view love, and even how they treat other people. I don’t want to become a bitter, loveless woman.
I know I’m not alone in these thoughts. There are other people whose minds are battling their hearts. It’s a journey that we must trust our hearts to navigate. We have to be lead by love, with the hope and prayer that it will guide us to our forever mate.